How Do You Leave Your Wife Without Abandoning Your Kids?

Sometimes separation is necessary for a dad's well-being. How do you leave your wife without abandoning your kids? Why do Christian single dads have to fight so hard for custody in the U.S.?


Aaron Nolan

1/14/20234 min read

The only way that I know how to leave your wife without abandoning your kids is to take them with you when you go.

A father cannot kidnap his own children. (Usually)

The judge may not like the fact that the kids were stripped out of the place they called home, however, if the situation calls for it, it can end up being one of the best things that ever happen to the children.

I would personally recommend not filing for divorce until you and the children are out of the house (and out of arms reach of Mom.)

If the circumstances are extreme, then don't let her know where you are or where you plan to go either.

If you left your wife to get your kids out of a violent and unstable situation, then keep it that way. Do not let her show up and cause a scene. That drama is over now. Your kids need to know that YOU will take care of the grown-up stuff and they get to be kids.

For some of us, this is the first real shot our kids will have at a carefree and fun childhood.

No more yelling. No more fighting. No more unintentional neglect. They have always been our priority and now we can finally show them how much we love them.

Love is a verb. An action word. As single dads, it is time we start taking action.

how to divorce your wife without loosing your kids
how to divorce your wife without loosing your kids

Why do single dads have to fight for custody of their own kids?

It seems like custody over a mom and dad's child would always be 50/50 between both parents after a divorce. That doesn't usually end up being the case.

Only 20.1% of fathers are granted custodial rights over their children in the United States over the mom.

Single dads receive a combined total of 35% of custodial time with their kids nationwide. The other 65% is spent with their biological mother.

Many single dads, with no criminal background whatsoever, don't get to see their kids at all. Even while trying to be in their kid's life and desperately wanting to be good fathers, they are not legally allowed to.


While every situation is different, the main reason why single dads have to fight for custody of their own kids is based on the biased opinion of how past generations performed as families.

Not married couples of today!

Mother receive custody over fathers mainly due to not wanting to change the childrens lives too much after the seperation. The courts automattically assume that us dads just work all day and watch football at night while mom nurtures the children, cleans the house and prepares supper for the family.

I am sorry, but in my opinion, that hasnt been the norm for a couple generations now.

God Can Fix Any Relationship. Divorce Should Always Be a Last Resort.

I will make this clear right up front. My marriage lasted nearly twenty years and endured so many incredible ordeals that I do not doubt God was keeping us united.

I also do not doubt that God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit were in every way at work in our everyday lives.

All hope was lost the moment drugs entered the relationship. We quite literally invited the devil to take control of our sacred vows.

And take control of them he did.

When things get so badly out of control, only time and counseling can repair the damage left behind. Kids don't have time for us adults to deal with all of that. They need a normal routine with someone focusing solely on their needs. They need to know that they are loved and that everything is going to be alright.

If there is violence and negativity in the home and you have done everything on your part to control it, then you may only be left with one option... to get the kids to a safe and peaceful environment.

How to Leave Your Wife Without Abandoning Your Kids?

How to leave your wife without abandoning your kids
How to leave your wife without abandoning your kids
Can you leave your wife without loosing your kids?
Can you leave your wife without loosing your kids?

We Can't Care For Our Kids Until We Can Take Care of Ourselves

When I finally got up the nerve to leave my wife, I waited until she went to a friend's house one evening and took my kids to a hotel.

That same day she smashed my guitar for ignoring her. I literally didn't hear her cause I was playing my guitar.

I had tried leaving on a few other occasions but my drug addiction would always get the best of me. If you can't pass a drug test then you don't stand a chance in family court.

One time, after leaving, I managed to stay sober but I was being charged with abandonment for walking out on my kids. I felt that I had done what was best for the children by leaving and here I was getting accused of not caring about them at all.

If I wanted out of my marriage and I wanted to stay sober, I was going to need my kids to be by my side. I needed to know that they were taken care of. That is when I decided to take them to a hotel and file for divorce.

After spending a week in the hotel room with the kids, I had to call CPS for help. I didn't know what to do with the kids during the day so I couldn't go to work. I was afraid that if I dropped them off at school then their mom would just pull them out.

CPS found family members of mine and my wife to watch our four children and also gave me counseling and free daycare. When I got an apartment and passed all of the CPS requirements, my kids came back home to their daddy.

One more thing.

CPS also requested we both be drug tested. When hers came back positive for methamphetamines, I knew that God was with me in my decision to leave my wife and take my kids with me.